So, after little ado and much inaction, I present you with little-known, sorta-interesting facts about moi!
Most appalling nickname you've ever been called:
Canklestache. This stemmed from a (most likely drunken) conversation I had with some friends about how sometimes I get self conscious about not being self conscious enough about certain things. Does that even make sense? Like, maybe all this time I'm worrying about my posture, I should be focusing on the fact I have cankles and never even noticed (I really don't think I do...but do I?). Example: Every time I get my eyebrows waxed, the lady asks if I want my upper lip done too...Uhhh. See, I'm fair haired and fair skinned. I've never bleached or waxed. Do I need to? Is this something I need to add to the worry list, right after "stop looking like Wednesday Addams since your old boss gave you bronzer as a gift?"
I was fretting about it and thus was given the name Canklestache. I love it. It's a mess and so am I.
P.S. Both my mom and boyfriend are on lady-mustache duty henceforth. But you all have to tell me if I have one or, erm, lipstick on my teeth. Just let me stay in the dark about my cankles.
Most appalling nickname for your pet(s):
Nothing too crazy. What's appalling is that I like to make up rap jams about my cats, O&H. To wit:
Kittyfornia Love
(to the tune of "California Love" by 2Pac (featuring Dr. Dre and Roger Troutman) (chorus only) (I like parenthetical phrases, as long as we're being honest here))))
Otis and his brother Harvey/
Ooootis and his brother Harvey/
In the city of Chicago/
Keep on scratchin'/
Keep on meowin'.
Yeah.
The next one is an original tune. All I've got so far is:
Otis and Harvey/
Sippin' on Bacardi/
Crinkly toys full of catnip/
They know how to rock a party.
Also, when they fight, which is daily, I like to swat away the victor and console the defeated cat by singing a few bars of "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera, to make him feel better. Words (or claws) can't bring them down!
Holy shit, I'm insane.
Working from home is only making things worse.
Famous people you follow on Twitter because you secretly wish you were friends with them (please, don't pretend you don't):
Danny DeVito (he's often drunk and typically only posts pictures of his foot in different locales. It's awesome.) and Lindsay Lohan. But I'm probably so dorky I'm following a fake one. A LoSham, if you will.
Radio song you suspect you ought to have better taste than to sing along to (but do anyway):
"Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga. I will also always sing along to "Feel Like Makin' Love" by Bad Company any day.
Favorite celebrity gossip source:
What Would Tyler Durden Do. I have no idea why. I think he makes me feel self righteous in my anger at his misogyny in somesuch gender studies senior thesis way. Or, it's the only site I have bookmarked.
Best back-handed compliment you've ever received:
"Wow your hair looks really cute today. It didn't look nearly as nice yesterday."--Bronzer boss
OR
"Your boyfriend is really cute. You need to lock that down." Yes, I am well aware I'm the reacher here.
Secret fantasy career:
Peg Bundy
Free Pass Five:
Joseph Gordon Levitt, Newsies-era Christian Bale, Dave Grohl, James Franco, your mom
Body part you feel you are justifiably vain about:
My non-cankles, dammit!
Unacceptable slang/profanity you cannot stop yourself from using:
I'm a "that's what she said" ultra dork. I even keep track of the best:
A friend when parallel parking: "I think you're in. You just have to move it back and forth a bit."
Boyfriend, when making a toasty beverage: "Looks like this is my last tea bag."
I also say "goddamn it!" sometimes.
Most inappropriate nickname for a former love interest:
Sideshow...as in Sideshow Bob. Nice guy, but all my friends hated him and refused to acknowledge him as just Bob. I still think of him as good ole Sideshow.
Most inappropriate nickname for someone else's love interest:
Hmm…not really sure. Probably just, “ugh, that ass? you're still dating him?”
There you have it. It's confirmed that I'm a horrible spaz. I'm not going to tag anyone, but if you want to do this, I'll add your name right here! Neat.
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9 comments:
Ohmygod, I just nearly peed my pants from laughing so hard. This is brilliant. Not only are you cute as a button, but way more funny than most people i know! Bravo.
Bravo, Lady!
Um, we may have to fight over Newsies and JF.
ps- the Owl is back.
Shan
This was holyshit funny.
More posts!!!
yeeeees....sideshow :) um, i'm working on some fashioning some new curtains for my house, so no, i cannot hit up the wellington tonight.
and i got the privilege of being there when you met....at an ATM. presh.
xoxo,
jennie
That made me laugh, because I gave my dogs gangster nicknames.
OMG, the wait was so worth it. That was HILARIOUS. And "that's what she said" just never, ever gets old. The best one I can remember is from an Emily Post quote about eating asparagus that's featured in Cranium, although it's really more of a that's-what-he-said: "Don’t squeeze the stalks, or hold your hand below the end and let the juice run down your arm."
Ha ha ha ha h....I am still laughing this is so funny..Ha ha ha ah aha ha ha ah aha ha aha bwha bwah ah ah! You are funny and should be vain about your canckles what else will hold your shoes on later in life? :)
You guys are the best!!! Thanks
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