The Unwatchables

OMG! I know this problem! The guilt associated with returning a Netflix you haven't watched!

In my three years of subscribing, I can only think of two movies I've sent back without watching: Born into Brothels and Blue (just the other day, actually. I felt like such a failure).

Oh yeah, and I lost my copy of The Departed before I could watch it. Whoops.

I think I may have a pretty decent track record because we don't have cable, so there's nothing else for me to watch. Don't get me wrong, this isn't me being all haughty and intellectual or anything. If I were going that route, I'd be all "la di da...we don't even OWN a TV. Blah blah." (As an aside: SO TRUE. Have you ever noticed how people who don't have TVs take great pains to make sure you know it. Most pretentious thing ever.)

ANYWAY, this is me admitting that if I were to let myself have cable, I'd probably be unemployed because I wouldn't be able to tear myself away from "Brett Michaels and Flavor Flav hang with a bunch of sluts" or some other horrible show and go to work. Bad TV is an addiction for me. I can't just have one show, so I sit tight on the wagon.

That being said, I do love Netflix because I can stock up a never-ending queue of documentaries like "Breasts: A Documentary" or "Bingo! A Documentary" Hey, I have breasts AND I play Bingo! I love you, Netflix!

This weekend, we're moving to our new apartment, which is very close to a Dominicks with a red box. We'll see what that does to my Netflix batting average. Both Mike and Marc are excited at the prospect of watching what Marc calls "real people normal movies" instead of spending an evening with me, a bottle vodka and another treatise on America's debt problem.

Guys, what are you watching? What are you pretending to watch but really just returning? Who wants to be Netflix friends with me?